How to See Someone’s True Character (and Your Own)

Lessons for Creators from Alan Watts on Power, Adversity, and the Mirror of Business

In the world of online business, appearances are polished.
Social feeds curated. Personal brands staged. But real character? That can’t be faked.

Alan Watts, in one of his most piercing lectures, reminds us that character is not revealed in comfort or content creation—but in how someone treats those who can’t help them and how they respond when everything goes wrong.

As solopreneurs, we navigate partnerships, clients, communities, and crises. We perform on the digital stage. But beneath it all, these two moments are always watching:

1. When you’re above someone who can offer you nothing.
2. When you’re suffering beneath the weight of misfortune.

Let’s turn these insights into a practical tool for creators, consultants, and digital leaders who want to build not just profitable businesses, but principled ones.

At one stage in my banking career I was an assistant to a branch director in Birmingham.  We went to visit a large Steel Stockholder customer and subsequently we were invited to have lunch at a local restaurant.  I was given the menu by the customer and he invited me to have ‘what ever I wanted as he was paying’.   I chose the cheapest meal on the menu.  I was a little surprised when he insisted that I have the most expensive meal, which was lobster.

I subsequently think he was testing me to see if I would take advantage of his generosity and at the same time I felt grateful to him for treating me as he did as he was in a position of power at that time.

Some years later, I was able to assist him, when his financial director created a tax avoidance scheme that got over-turned by the inland revenue.  They needed to raise funds quickly to plug a financial hole in the business and I was glad to assist him.

SYSTEM: The Two Moments That Reveal Everything

If you want to know someone’s true nature—a partner, a client, a coach, even yourself—watch for these two moments:

1. When They Are Above the Powerless

• Do they dismiss, ignore, or exploit?
• Or do they show respect to the assistant, the intern, the freelancer, the waiter?

Cue: _”When I saw them in this position, how did they act off-mic, off-camera, off-stage?”
_

This moment tests humility and basic humanity.

2. When They Are Beneath Misfortune

• Do they blame, snap, collapse into victimhood?
• Or do they stay grounded, curious, even kind in failure?

Cue: _”When life rained on them, did their mask crumble or harden?”
_

This moment tests emotional depth and resilience.

Together, these two moments form a Character-Checking Method you can use in real time:

• When vetting collaborators
• When reflecting on how YOU lead
• When choosing who to follow, fund, or feature

EXAMPLES

How people responded to Covid was truly revealing.  Many reacted badly to fear and to those that did not comply with distancing, PCR testing, masks and vaccines.

When I was in banking, I had many lessons – only finding out the character of my customers when misfortune struck.  Some took responsibility and stepped forward to resolve their problems with boldness and creativity, others folded and blamed someone else.

One of my building customers was facing divorce, a tax inspection and business losses at the start of the recession in the 1990’s.  I was appointed as his bank manager at that moment in his life.  I told him what I thought needed to be done.  He resisted and went to offer his business to another bank.  Needless to say, they were not willing to take him on.  So we were stuck with each other.

He lived in a large house.  To get out of his difficulties, he and his girlfriend created accommodation over their garage, with a young baby (this tested her love and loyalty) and he then proceeded to create two houses out of his one large house, and subsequently sold them both to repay his debts.  In that moment of crisis, he was able to find a way through and I gained a good customer who went on to be highly successful again when the storm had passed.  We became bonded to each other in friendship by his struggle for survival.

FRAMEWORK: The “Character Mirror”

Watts teaches that watching others is also watching yourself. Every harsh reaction, every offhand dismissal, every brittle response under pressure—they reveal more about us than the other.

So we take these two external tests and turn them inward:

This is the mirror-work of character, and it’s the foundation of trustworthy leadership.

Application: Why This Matters in Online Business

It’s easy to sound insightful when you’re writing carousels.
It’s easy to look generous when you’re launching a course.
It’s easy to preach values when you’re up 20% MoM.

But when you miss a launch goal?
When a client ghosts you?
When someone with zero influence asks for your time?

Then your character shows.

That’s when your community decides if you’re worth following.
That’s when your brand becomes a lighthouse or a warning sign.

Because in the digital age, what’s off-camera leaks on-camera.

The most magnetic creators aren’t just good on paper.
They’re congruent in character.

Practice: Building Character as a Business Strategy

Here’s a 3-step rhythm you can adopt:

1. Observe Others Quietly

• Watch how your collaborators treat virtual assistants.
• Notice how they react to inconvenience.
• Don’t rush to praise or condemn. Track patterns.

2. Audit Yourself Honestly

• When you last felt superior, how did you act?
• When you last failed, what surfaced in you?
• What behaviour in others triggers you most? (That’s your clue.)

3. Choose Growth Over Image

• Let your smallest acts align with your deepest values.
• Don’t just build a polished front stage. Fortify the backstage.
• Treat every storm as a spotlight on your evolution.

Final Word: Look With Wonder, Not Judgement

Alan Watts ends with this insight:

“You seek to see others, but you discover yourself.”

So as creators, the invitation is this:

• Use these two moments not to police others, but to purify your own path.
• Let your micro-actions reflect macro-integrity.
• Build a business that doesn’t just convert—but awakens.

Because in the end, the world doesn’t need more influencers.

It needs more people of character.

People worth trusting.

People worth becoming.