There’s a silent contract most humans sign without reading:
“I must become more before I’m allowed to be at peace.”
Not more money, necessarily.
Not more followers.
Not even more success.
Just… more.
More proof. More certainty. More control. More approval. More “enough.”
And once you see this contract, you can’t unsee it—because it’s sitting underneath consumerism, status games, hustle culture, perfectionism, and even “self-improvement” that feels oddly like self-rejection with better branding.
This post is about the mechanism behind that contract—and how to dissolve it through IAS.
What is an Identity Contract?
An Identity Contract is an internal agreement that says:
“I am not allowed to feel safe/loved/at peace until I meet a condition.”
It’s a rule of belonging your nervous system believes is required to be okay.
Identity contracts usually form early:
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a childhood moment where love felt conditional
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a humiliation that taught you “never again”
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a household where achievement = attention
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a culture where worth is measured and compared
So you don’t just want success.
You need it—because your identity made it a gatekeeper to peace.
That’s why people can “make it” and still feel hunted.
The contract just changes the target.
The Core Contract Behind “More”
Here’s the root one:
“I must become more before I’m allowed to be at peace.”
This is the engine behind:
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the moving finish line
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the inability to rest without guilt
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the constant sense of being behind
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the craving to prove you’re not “nothing”
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the fear that if you stop, you’ll disappear
It’s also why so many people feel anxious when things finally get quiet.
Silence feels like danger if your identity is built on earning safety.
Why this might be the core of humanity’s “need for more”
On a collective level, “more” is a compensation strategy.
When the inner self doesn’t feel anchored, the outer world becomes the stabilizer:
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possessions become security
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status becomes identity
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productivity becomes worth
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control becomes peace
But here’s the twist:
If peace is conditional, you can never arrive.
Because conditions are infinite.
And modern society is exceptionally good at supplying new conditions:
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upgrade your body
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upgrade your house
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upgrade your lifestyle
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upgrade your brand
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upgrade your mindset (ironically, often through self-judgment)
Humanity isn’t addicted to more.
Humanity is addicted to the promise that more will finally create permission to rest.
The Most Common Identity Contracts (you’ll recognize yourself in these)
Below are some of the usual suspects. These aren’t “beliefs.” They’re rules:
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Worth Contract:
“I must achieve to be worthy.” -
Safety Contract:
“I must have enough money/control to relax.” -
Love Contract:
“I must be useful or impressive to be loved.” -
Approval Contract:
“I must be liked to be safe.” -
Perfection Contract:
“I must do it flawlessly to be accepted.” -
Comparison Contract:
“I must be ahead to be okay.” -
Productivity Contract:
“Rest is earned. Idle is dangerous.”
These contracts turn life into a courtroom.
And you live like a defendant trying to prove you deserve peace.
IAS Perspective: Contracts aren’t “bad”—they’re protective
IAS doesn’t shame the contract.
IAS asks: What was it protecting you from?
Because contracts form for a reason.
Example:
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If you grew up unseen → “I must perform to matter.”
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If you grew up unstable → “I must control everything to be safe.”
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If you were criticized → “I must be perfect to avoid rejection.”
So the contract is a survival strategy.
But when survival strategies become identity, they become prisons.
IAS calls this: the protection becomes the problem.
The Real Cost: Peace becomes a future event
When you live under “I must become more,” you don’t actually live.
You prepare.
You postpone.
You delay joy like it’s a luxury item.
You say:
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“After I finish this…”
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“When the business stabilizes…”
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“Once the money is consistent…”
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“When I finally fix myself…”
And the years go by.
Not because you didn’t work hard.
But because you made peace conditional—and conditions multiply forever.
The “Peace Paradox”: why becoming more never creates enough
Here’s the paradox:
If you believe peace comes from becoming more, then peace is impossible—because the part of you chasing “more” is literally the part that can’t rest.
It’s like asking a treadmill to teach you stillness.
Becoming more can improve your life.
But it cannot resolve the identity rule that says you’re not allowed to be okay yet.
Only one thing resolves that:
inner permission.
Not lazy. Not passive. Not “giving up.”
Permission is a decision to stop treating peace like a reward.
The IAS Method: How to dissolve an Identity Contract
Use this 5-step “Identity Contract Release” process (simple, but not always easy):
1) Identify the contract (write it clearly)
Complete this sentence:
“I am not allowed to be at peace until __________.”
Examples:
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“…I have £10k/month.”
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“…everyone approves of me.”
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“…I’m certain nothing will go wrong.”
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“…I’ve proved I’m not a failure.”
2) Name the promised feeling
“If I get that, I believe I will finally feel __________.”
(safe / enough / loved / free / respected / calm)
3) Find the origin moment (no therapy voice needed—just honesty)
“When did I first learn I needed that condition to be okay?”
A moment. A pattern. A relationship. A culture.
4) Extract the hidden fear underneath it
“If I don’t meet the condition, what am I afraid will be true?”
This reveals the real engine:
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“I’ll be rejected.”
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“I’ll be powerless.”
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“I’ll be insignificant.”
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“I’ll be unsafe.”
5) Replace the contract with a new permission statement
Not a fantasy. A grounded permission.
Old: “I must become more to be at peace.”
New: “I practice peace now, and I build from peace—not for peace.”
Or:
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“I’m allowed to rest before I’m finished.”
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“My worth is not a performance review.”
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“Safety is an inner stance, not a bank balance.”
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“I can act without panicking.”
Then pick one micro-action today that proves the new contract is real:
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work for 45 minutes, then rest without guilt for 10
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publish something imperfect on purpose
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say no to one unnecessary obligation
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stop one comparison spiral (close the tab, literally)
Identity changes through evidence.
Why this matters for creators and solopreneurs
Creators are especially vulnerable to this contract because the internet monetizes identity:
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your voice
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your status
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your image
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your output
So you can easily start believing:
“If I stop producing, I stop being.”
IAS flips that:
You create because you’re alive.
You’re not alive because you create.
When that lands, your work gets cleaner, calmer, and far more sustainable.
The Spiritual Layer: Peace is your nature, not your reward
This is the quiet spiritual truth behind the whole thing:
Peace isn’t something you earn.
Peace is what remains when you stop arguing with reality long enough to feel your own being.
The “more” addiction is really the avoidance of a deeper question:
“If I don’t have to prove anything… who am I?”
IAS exists to help you meet that question without collapsing.
Not with ideology—through direct inner clarity and aligned action.
A closing invitation
Write this down and answer honestly:
What is your identity contract?
“I am not allowed to be at peace until __________.”
That one sentence—if faced—can save years.
And yes, it’s mildly inconvenient… because it removes your favorite excuse.
