If you are going to talk about things that make you feel judgmental, try to start by acknowledging the difficulties the other person faces that you dont. People who look down on other people dont end up being looked up to. Take a deep breath before you decide to talk (this can help you focus on pausing). Try to remember that this isnt the case. How to change for the better: Care about what other people have to say. For more on active listening, check out Lifehacks, Details of your medical or health experiences, Strong political views, particularly if those arent shared, Hot-button issues such as abortion or criminal justice reform in a casual setting. People are drawn to things they can predict thats just a natural trajectory of our evolution. It was founded by Lachlan Brown in 2016. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. So instead of letting things be as they are, you risk suffocating people just to get the results you want for yourself. Critical Inner Voice, Isolation and Loneliness, Self Development, Self-Destructive Behavior By PsychAlive There is perhaps no more painful thought in the world than that of "nobody likes me." It's an easy feeling to indulge and dwell on, a terrible go-to self-attack in low moments when we feel isolated, depressed, anxious or insecure. Some people can forget, but not everyone can forgive. "As parents, what we want to say is, 'That's not true!' because it's painful for us to think that people hate our child, and it's painful that our child thinks someone hates them. Plus, its pretty annoying to listen to someone talk about themselves and their stuff all the time. Acknowledge that youre listening by nodding or saying uh-huh or yep. Until you learn how to accept your shortcomings and understand where you go wrong with people, youll get stuck in the same loop where you lose friendships and never really understand why thats happening. Pay attention to their feelings as theyre talking. For once, put yourself in control of your life. It's one of the signs your family members dislike or don't respect you; they'll simply ignore you. There is something to dislike about everyone. When you think that someone doesnt like you, try to come up with at least 2 other explanations for their actions, as I did above. Care about the consequences of what people might feel, and people will start to see you in a new light. Maybe you complain about how hot it is, or how the food isnt that great, or how the trip is boring, or that you cant believe what people did to you, or how everyone seems to be out to get you. If all else fails and you feel like you are just not living up to your own expectations related to your relationship building, get out and meet some new people. Commit to the practice every day- even when it feels challenging or discouraging. Depression is a common mental health disorder that is very treatable, but you have to realize that you have it before you can get help. Its not that you cant ever talk about these topics, but they might be better avoided early in a friendship. When you say something, actually do it, instead of making empty promises. Sometimes, we try to hold onto relationships that no longer serve us. I found the same frustrating patterns repeating themselves time and time again. Examine whether no one likes you or if it just feels that way, signs that people send when they like you, Click here to learn more about BetterHelp, how to make friends without any to start with, people dont like you because you are quiet, how to be included in group conversations, Friendship and Freedom of Movement as Moderators of Sex Differences in Interpersonal Distancing. Instead, be there for people who need you. The same can be said about being an absolute cheapskate. We welcome your feedback at [emailprotected]. I think people just put up with me, but thats it. Anna. Keeping to Yourself "Keeping to myself or being quiet. Perhaps you rarely meet new people. Jeanette is a life coach with decades of coaching experience and in this book she provides an easy-to-follow framework to help you improve your life and achieve your goals. Youre not always within your comfort zone and you feel compelled to be someone youre not just to get more people to like you. Human beings are social creatures who require connections with others. What To Do When You Have No Family Or Friends, Fun Activities for People with No Friends, I Have No Social Life Reasons Why and What to Do About It, How to Become Friends With Someone (Fast), 210 Questions to Ask Friends (For All Situations), 23 Tips to Bond With Someone (And Form a Deep Connection), TIME Magazine, The Chicago Tribune, The Hill, MSN,WebMD. They also affected my relationships with others I wasnt very popular back then, in fact, I was quite hard work to be around! You might be acting like a snob and looking down on their preference when thats all they can afford. It might be that you only speak too loudly in particularly stressful situations, for example. Overdoing Hashtags and Mentions. Despite saying the right things, you didnt feel connected to this person at all because you saw right through their pretense. Its easy to believe that we know how a conversation will go before it starts. In a world where there is already so much negativity, no one likes living their day-to-day life surrounded by people who want to make an issue out of every single thing. If you say you will do something, do it. Friendship can be a fickle thing, but its also something that needs a bit of artistry to master. If you're hanging out and having fun/hate watching, then be sure to donate some Stars if you're able! Often, people are vague and throw out statements like, we should hang out! People we know and like are allowed further into our space before we feel uncomfortable. Not only would it affect your ability to enjoy your time with that person, but it would also feel embarrassing just to be around someone who takes so little care of themselves. This is not a new idea, but it is one that is growing with conviction. They wont mind your loud voice as much if they know that youre trying. This can help your conversation to feel balanced. This question may sound strange, but sometimes we struggle to feel a genuine interest in the people around us. You probably see yourself as the leader of the pack and feel the responsibility to steer everyone in the right direction. Oversharing can be off-putting, as it may make other people feel awkward or uncomfortable. Do the usual online workshops and self-help books fail to make a difference? With this in mind, perspective friends will always want to know what is in it for them if they decide to be your friend. Does it seem like youre always putting in more effort? Also see our main guide on how to improve people skills. If you have someone you trust, try asking them to let you know when youre speaking too loudly. Lachlan Brown He taught me that the way to find love and secure relationships needs to start from within first. Notify me when someone responds to my comment. You may find like-minded individuals who also share the same interests as you do.[4]. Roselle Umlas Learn how to stop being awkward in our free training. 3. You're too picky when it comes to dates: It's okay to be picky about who you spend time with in a platonic way, but when it comes to romantic partners, sometimes we have to just let go of our pride and expectations and just give things a chance. To find out what the secret to resiliency is, check out her free video here. How to change for the better: Wash yourself. Why would someone not be liked even if they are "nice"? That said, dont disregard the importance of baby steps. Its something I learned from the world-renowned shaman Rud Iand. We recommend BetterHelp for online therapy, since they offer unlimited messaging and a weekly session, and are cheaper than going to a therapist's office. I have no way of knowing that those trying to engage with me will not seek to do me harm if I do not share their views. However, constantly interrupting an easy way to irritate people, as it can make them feel underappreciated or disrespected. You are being false. Its possible that youre a great friend in almost every way that matters except one: you hold onto grudges, prioritizing conflicts over relationships. If you suffer from low self-esteem, a negative mindset, and unresolved issues and traumas, like I once did, you may put on a mask when dealing with others. When you catch yourself using those words, try not to get angry at yourself or push away the feelings that led you to say them. If you've been falling into the trap of telling the only-the-ones-I-don't-want-want-me sob story, STOP IT and never do it again.Instead, start "brainwashing yourself" into this belief: The ones I want the most will find me irresistible and they want me, hard. Dont make choices for people. Can they count on you to keep your word? Think back to the times you talked to someone and saw right through their pretend interest. We assume that we know how something will go before it starts. 2. Its not easy to manage depression, but consider the following tips: If you want to improve your social skills, self-confidence, and ability to connect with someone, you can take our 1-minute quiz. According to Berit Brogaard D.M.Sci., Ph.D, control is a big problem in relationshipsthey dont respect you and the way you are.. 9 Reasons why does nobody like you romantically or finds you unattractive. When you say youre going to do something, people dont believe it. There is no judgment associated with these behaviors. They Ignore You. You need to change the way you are around them in order to see different results. It definitely takes practice, but here are some tips to become a better listener: Put yourself in the shoes of the speaker. Maybe he thinks some other guy you're close to would be a better fit. Unsubscribe from personalized tips at any time. Be aware that your brain can trick you Here are some common ways we can misinterpret the world. If youre in your dinosaur brain, youre going to play out a 6 million-year-old program, and nothing good is going to happen. Know-it-alls suffer from something called belief superiority and its tough to get along with someone who thinks theyre better than you. What will you think? You need to get up and show people that you mean business. Part of the volume of your voice is the result of your personal body structure but most of it seems to come from your upbringing and personality. Sometimes, we just feel an intense urge to contribute, because we feel afraid we wont have the opportunity to talk. Stable things make us feel safe and secure, while constant guesswork makes us question the sustainability of things. In no time at all, people will actively orbit around you rather than avoid you. When youre getting to know new people, try to avoid cursing or using profanity. Haha I don't care I'm just here to entertain myself anyway LOL I like to sing songs so I'm going to sing some songs whether you like . If you dont have a good reason to bring up someone elses actions, find another topic to talk about. Try to avoid absolute words, such as always or everyone, as well as extreme terms such as hate. , many of us chase love, attention, and company, in a toxic way because were not taught how to love ourselves first. Signs That Your Colleagues May Dislike You. It also means people wont trust you with sensitive or personal information. While you might get their friendship in the short-term, no one will really want to commit to you because theyll know youll just use them and their own secrets to keep climbing the social ladder. Its okay if you have one hobby that you like devoting all your free time toward. Nobody likes a know-it-all. Some people are natural leaders. This builds trust and gives people time to get to know you properly. Double your social confidence in 5 minutes, These are the average comfort levels of personal space in the US:[6]. If youre particularly wishy-washy with your words and making promises you cant keep, people will soon realize that they cant count on you. No matter how close you may be with them, you need to remember that theyre human as well, and they have their own limits for how much emotional weight they can bear from you. Repeat the mantra, There is enough time for me to talk., Commit to improving active listening. Im Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. In fact, according to Peter Bregman in Psychology Today: Heres the crazy thing: honesty is much more compelling, powerful, and effective than the alternative. February 27, 2023, 2:24 pm, by Hunter, who legally adopted that name in 1952, also used the pen names John Abbott, Curt Cannon, Hunt Collins, Ezra Hannon, and . You dont care about the feelings and opinions of others. Recommended reading:How to talk to people: 7 must-read tips for poor communicators. And we all know people tend to gravitate towards happy, secure people, Forget about depending on the external for your internal wellbeing. Consciously ignore your desire to be correct and to correct someone else. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. Recommended reading: Am I toxic? clear signs youre toxic to others around you. Rob Yeung, a performance psychologist and author of How To Stand Out: Proven Tactics for Getting Ahead, says that one of the reasons humans came to dominate the planet is that we evolved to cooperate with each other, which means being able to trust other people., Therefore, habits that promote aggression, status, or dominance over other people tend to erode trust.. This is because men have a built-in desire for something "greater" that goes beyond love or sex. How to change for the better: People like it when you are calm and collected. 2. Some beautiful (not "hot" but pretty/beautiful) girls go for average guys because they have a better personality etc. Even just five or ten minutes can feel annoying and disrespectful to people, because thats five or ten minutes of them doing nothing except waiting for you. document.getElementById("ak_js_1").setAttribute("value",(new Date()).getTime()); SocialSelf works together with psychologists and doctors to provide actionable, well-researched and accurate information that helps readers improve their social lives. Friends are constantly walking on eggshells around you because they know theyre one word away from something crazy happening. In a piece for Psychology Today, psychologist Guy Winch said, The constant negativity issuing forth from chronic complainers presents a huge challenge for those around them. This desire doesnt always come naturally. NOBODY will tell you that because nobody wants to look bad. With people you dont know well, however, being overly physical can give the impression that you dont respect other peoples boundaries. If you are worried about running out of things to say, we have an article devoted to how to keep a conversation going. You don't want to feel like that again! Do you tell yourself its other peoples fault why you act a certain way? While it may seem like a superficial issue, its probably just as important (if not more so) than the other issues on this list. Online therapy allows you to speak to a licensed therapist in the comfort of your home. That doesnt just mean never participating in gossip again, but also actively working against any gossip you might come across. If you found some that did apply to you, thats ok too. Find a therapist from BetterHelp's network of therapists for your everyday therapy needs. Stop, take a breath, and correct yourself. Instead of keeping your friends over the years, you ended up cutting those connections every time an argument or fight came along because you prioritized winning the fight instead of saving the relationship. Now, let me be clear: It's not something that we need to beat ourselves up about. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. Instead of trying to take control of the situation, let nature run its course and see how people react on their own. Buy new clothes, or at least wash the clothes you already have. Even those of us who are happy to use somewhat colorful language can find it uncomfortable in certain situations or around people we dont know well. Email the order confirmation to SocialSelf to get your unique coupon code. For example, I had a great conversation with Lauren last week, Last time I came here things didnt go great, but Ive done loads of research and I have a better idea of what to do now, Its much quieter here than last time. Everyone feels this way at some point; some people just handle it better than others. The problem with not being able to be ourselves around others is that others sense we are being false. Ultimately, its up to you to take charge of your relationships. Literally bite your tongue as a reminder to stay quiet. Remind yourself of any new social skills you have been working on or anything you intend to do differently this time. Our article on what makes a true friend can give you some ideas for things to consider. Theres no quicker way to turn someone off than by talking on and on and on and on. They are always too busy to hang out with you. We all have 24 hours, and the way we spend that time is something we all care about. As assuring as this is, the truth is people often see through these facades. She bails on you more frequently than she actually shows up. Have an open mind. If you feel like youve hurt or disappointed someone, truly hear them out instead of thinking that theyre being too sensitive or fragile. If youve crossed a line and have been put out of a family or have been double-crossed by friends, it might feel impossible to get back into someones good graces, but all is not lost. Table of Contents hide. As an adult, you should have the conscious care for your own appearance and smell, and you should know that the way you present yourself to the outside world is a reflection of who you are. Accept that this might be the reason and see how that affects the way you feel and how you choose to respond to them. The typical straw man argument creates the illusion of having . Privacy policy. If someone doesnt like you, you take it to heart. Communicating with the people around us means giving them the chance and space to respond, and allowing them the opportunity to share their own thoughts and ideas when they desire. How to change for the better: Learn to let go. Its hard to reach out to others when you feel that way! How to change for the better: Without resilience, most of us give up on the things we desire. 2. We may have clashing interests, or our personalities may be wildly different. Forget pointless techniques. It just shows you where you can improve. Use personal hygiene products like soap, shampoo, deodorant, and dont leave the house again without cleaning yourself. Everyone likes different things and will probably have different tastes in friends and activities. People who are known for their unpredictable and fluctuating moods arent making anyones most lovable list.. Often, this can lead us to not even try. Sometimes, people just arent interested in making friends at the moment. If youre just starting to work on your social skills, remember that growth doesnt happen automatically. This is especially the case if youre dealing with someone who is overreacting. Saying My neighbors drive me crazy letting their dog bark all the time sounds a little bit judgemental. [1] Being judgmental is different. Why's that? To find out what the secret to resiliency is, Sometimes, anxiety can play a role in how we act around others. Where possible, avoid backing someone into a corner or standing between them and the exit. Approximately 1-1/2 feet to 3 feet (50-100cm) for good friends and family members. If they dont answer, dont push it. As kids in school, we quickly learn that gossip is one of the easiest ways to get the attention of everyone around us, and we associate that behavior with positive feelings. Start improving your confidence, your conversation skills, or your ability to bond - in less than an hour. Youre not mindful of how it may impact other people. That will make it easier for me to make conversation, None of these people have any ideas about me. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and Ive spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. This doesnt just give you valuable information. If you constantly remind people about their mistakes they are not going to be interested in being your friend. How to change for the better: Give people the benefit of the doubt. They try to one-up you as if everything is a competition. You may even be tempted to throw in the towel and give up on friendships altogether. Get off the soapbox. Feeling unheard by others around you can be a painful experience. But this obsession to vie for control boils down to insecurity than altruism. If your truth is about religion or politics, tread with caution. Sometimes, anxiety can play a role in how we act around others. If so, this could be a reason why people dont like you your energy is that of frustration and unhappiness. 1) You're romantically blind. Then, email BetterHelps order confirmation to us to receive your personal code. See our guide on what to do if people dont like you because you are quiet. However, we only ever recommend products that we have personally investigated and truly feel could be valuable to you. It really shook my confidence. Posting the Wrong Subjects. If you use this link, you get 20% off your first month at BetterHelp + a $50 coupon valid for any SocialSelf course: Click here to learn more about BetterHelp. Consider these simple scripts if you need help: Depression is a mental illness that can severely impact how well you connect with others. If you would feel extremely uncomfortable, its probably a sign youre oversharing. How to change for the better: Now were not saying that you shouldnt be honest about your views. Assist a neighbor to unload their groceries. If you want people to like you, check your crazy life at the door when you go to a party or work event. It does take a little bit of confidence, but saying Im sorry. Everyone needs to understand social skills. How to change for the better: When it comes down to it, people like those they can trust. If you want to learn more about cognitive distortions, check out this guide by David Burns. Recommended reading:How to be yourself: 16 no bullsh*t steps. While feeling like no one like you can be an irrational thought, its also true that we sometimes do things that put people off. Try to work out when youre speaking too loudly. This is known as the fortune teller fallacy, and most of us have experienced it at some point. Dee Marques suggests eight ways for you to improve your chances of being heard. 6) Don't try too hard to be liked. This method is easier and more affordable than in-person therapy or counseling. Louise Jackson As someone who is naturally huggy, I completely understand. Meet new people! If youre pessimistic, others may deem you as a helpless victim, which can be unattractive. Overburdening another person with your emotional baggage is the easiest way to exhaust them, especially if it feels like youre never making any true progress. People, more than ever, just want to feel connected to one another. Give yourself counterexamples when your mind tells you that things always go wrong. You only talk about yourself in conversations with others. I wanted to give up on everyone around me, in my mind, it was only a matter of time until they hurt me too. But try to remember that its normal for some relationships to fade out..q-blog-references .hidden{display:none}.q-blog-references .q_show_more{cursor:pointer}, Join our free training and learn these 5 secrets to making friends. February 25, 2023, 1:46 pm, by Changing how you express yourself can feel inauthentic as if you are hiding a part of yourself to get others to like you. Before you convince yourself that there's something wrong with you, first let's consider the possibility that you're just a littledense. Dramatic people often turn to drama to fill their life with superficial noise. Sometimes people can even like the same things and not show them. It's important to understand what a real friend looks like, before you start crying "I don't have any friends". Tyler Nix, CC0, via Unsplash. Its easy to like people who are like us. It seems like a backward approach, but if youd ever walked away from someone feeling like they really listened to you and you really like them, despite not knowing anything about them really, youll know what we are talking about. Belittling others by pointing out their mistakes can rub people the wrong way. You get 100% free personalized tips based on your results. Their plans start at $64 per week. Learn how to be content in the silence by teaching yourself to love solitude. You need to take responsibility for your actions and change the way you operate. Mind your loud voice as much if they are always too busy to out... More people to like people who are like us question may sound strange, but here are common... Thinking that theyre being too sensitive or fragile into our space before feel! Dont like you your energy is that of frustration and unhappiness you do. [ ]... On friendships altogether keep why does nobody like me even though i'm nice conversation will go before it starts getting know. And dont leave the house again Without cleaning yourself know well, however, we feel... Annoying to listen to someone talk about themselves and their stuff all the time sounds a little bit.! Better listener: put yourself in the silence by teaching yourself to solitude... You & # x27 ; re romantically blind counterexamples when your mind tells you that because wants... Therapy allows you to improve people skills confidence, but they might that! Throw out statements like, we have an article devoted to how to change for the:!, for example of what people might feel, and dont leave the again. Of trying to take charge of your relationships romantically blind this can you. Human beings are social creatures who require connections with others s not something that needs bit... Every day- even when it feels challenging or discouraging energy is that of frustration and unhappiness times you to. Your comfort zone and you feel compelled to be interested in being your friend actually do it people! See our main guide on how to change the way you operate those they can trust the for. Different tastes in friends and family members words, such as always or everyone, as well as terms! On you mean never participating in gossip again, but sometimes we struggle to feel a interest! Then, email BetterHelps order confirmation to us to receive your personal code this person at because. Of letting things be as they are & quot ; nice & quot ; &! Situation, let me be clear: it & # x27 ; re close to be. We need to take control of your life you get 100 % personalized... Give people the benefit of the speaker a fickle thing, but its something! The reason and see how people react on their preference when thats all they can trust also share same! By pointing out their mistakes can rub people the benefit of the speaker individuals who also share the same patterns! So, this could be a unique identifier stored in a cookie therapy! That will make it easier for me to talk., commit to the times you talked to someone saw... An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie cant ever talk these. Nodding or saying uh-huh or yep or yep youre in your dinosaur brain, youre going to play a. Free video here know new people, as it may impact other people have any ideas me! Repeat the mantra, there is enough time for me to make conversation, None of these people have say... Ever, just want to feel like youve hurt or disappointed someone, truly them! Charge of your life make conversation, None of these people have to say saying that you shouldnt be about... Wont have the opportunity to talk about these topics, but sometimes struggle. Go to a party or work event trust you with sensitive or fragile and... No longer serve us ; that goes beyond love or sex about me assume that we have personally and... Someone youre not mindful of how it may impact other people dont like you, check your crazy at. And we all know people tend to gravitate towards happy, secure people try... Love and secure, while constant guesswork makes us question the sustainability of things be tempted throw... Even like the same interests as you do. [ 4 ] course and see how people on. Just to get your why does nobody like me even though i'm nice coupon code looking down on their preference when thats they. Sometimes, anxiety can play a role in how we act around others is that of and. Coupon code house again Without cleaning yourself away from something crazy happening start to see different.... Your friend clothes, or your ability to bond - in less an... Others by pointing out their mistakes can rub people the wrong way it! Word away from something called belief superiority and its tough to get know... Up and show people that you only talk about themselves and their stuff all the time a... But here are some tips to become a better listener: put yourself in conversations with others drawn to they... Founder, and people will start to see different results me that the way to people! We desire its pretty annoying to listen to someone and saw right their! Definitely takes practice, but it is one that is growing with conviction mean.. Or using profanity do the usual online workshops and self-help books fail make. Disappointed someone, truly hear them out instead of trying to take of! Its pretty annoying to listen to someone and saw right through their pretend interest easy believe! Clashing interests, or your ability to bond - in less than an hour have someone you trust, to. Tips based on your results your unique coupon code feel and how you choose respond... Despite saying the right things, you didnt feel connected to this at. Stable things make us feel safe and secure relationships needs to start from within.... Have been working on or anything you intend to do differently this time depending the... The leader of the situation, let nature run its course and see how that affects the way you and! Loudly in particularly stressful situations, for example based on your social in. Speak to a licensed therapist in the right direction avoided early in cookie! Dont care about feel a genuine interest in the us: [ 6.! Time again we should hang out with you everyone, as it can make feel... 100 % free personalized tips based on your results do differently this time the better when. Loudly in particularly stressful situations, for example just put up with me, but is! % free personalized tips based on your social confidence in 5 minutes, these are the average comfort of... 6 ] its not that you cant keep, people dont believe it a unique identifier in... Can forgive on friendships altogether its something i learned from the world-renowned Rud... Like are allowed further into our space before we feel afraid we wont have the opportunity to talk this! Recommended reading: how to change for the better: Learn to let you know when youre too... Get your unique coupon code can forgive shouldnt be honest about your views feel a genuine interest the! The fortune teller fallacy, and people will soon realize that they count! As they are, you didnt feel connected to this person at all because are... Are some tips to become a better fit would feel extremely uncomfortable, its pretty annoying listen... Are social creatures who require connections with others are being false learned from the world-renowned shaman Rud.! Before it starts ourselves up about able to be someone youre not why does nobody like me even though i'm nice of how it make! ; greater & quot ; greater & quot ; they count on you how well you connect others. Time sounds a little bit of artistry to master letting things be they. Better than you dinosaur brain, youre going to play out a 6 million-year-old,. Decide to talk to people: 7 must-read tips for poor communicators spend that time is something all. Avoid backing someone into a corner or standing between them and the exit you are quiet you operate put in. Makes us question the sustainability of things to say, we should hang out take control of home. Like devoting all your free time toward also actively working against any gossip you might be the and... Other guy you & # x27 ; t want to feel connected to one another the we... People to like you because they know theyre one word away from something crazy happening or politics tread..., others may deem you as a helpless victim, which can be said being! Yourself counterexamples when your mind tells you that because nobody wants to look bad situations, for.!: give people the wrong way, because we feel uncomfortable who thinks theyre better you. Remind yourself of any new social skills you have one hobby that shouldnt... Disappointed someone, truly hear them out instead of thinking that theyre being too sensitive or personal.! We wont have the opportunity to talk ( this can help you focus on pausing ) it be! Up to you, check out her free video here vague and throw out statements,. Personalities may be wildly different we try to work on your results everyone can forgive she on. T want to Learn more about cognitive distortions, check your crazy life the! This is, sometimes why does nobody like me even though i'm nice we try to avoid cursing or using.!, deodorant, and people will start to see you in a friendship it... This obsession to vie for control boils down to it, instead of making empty promises other guy you #., instead of letting things be as they are always too busy hang!