Identify the Cause. When you learn about some of the signs of covert narcissism, you may think that someone has a narcissistic personality, particularly if youve known them well for a long time. Then, they can help you learn how to replace your negative thoughts and self-talk with positive ones. How can you deal with passive-aggressive people? This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. Just being around a passive-aggressive person can harm ones mental health. The same goes for a mother who may live with this condition. Yes and no. narcissistic) mother. Some people, though, may engage in passive-aggressive behavior with everyone regularly. Learning how to set boundaries and how to retrain your thoughts after experiencing emotional abuse can be difficult. This is a toxic thing to say because it suggests that you are making the wrong decision and your mother is trying to position herself as the expert, causing you to second-guess yourself, Croyle says. They may want to be portrayed as perfect mothers or admired for their many sacrifices and efforts. They arent supportive of your efforts and dont celebrate your successes with you. Here's the leading cause of divorce and 11 other top reasons marriages end. In this free online communication training video, dealing with passive aggressive Mother in Law, communication coach Dan O'Connor gives you three secrets for. They attempt to use their subtlety to make you bear the brunt of their feelings. What is a toxic mom? Stop blaming yourself or making excuses for others; you are not responsible for the damaging way a passive-aggressive person shows their anger. That means even when youre an adult and can create distance between you and your mother, the effects of a parents mood swings can still impact you. Work to identify the root cause of the problem, and dont be so quick to accept the first answer they give you. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. But did you know that narcissism is a spectrum, and you might be in it. If it has, healing is possible once you become aware of how its affected you. They are, but theyre not going to respond well to hearing it from you. If someone behaves in a passive-aggressive way, they may not be directly communicating their frustrations and anger. Why Do Some People With Narcissistic Personality Act in Vindictive Ways? Here are the causes, common signs, and how to deal with it. We know that difficult experiences in childhood can be an influential factor in the development or onset of many mental health problems in adulthood, including mood disorders like depression, seasonal affective disorder, bipolar, and more, or in anxiety disorders such as generalized anxiety disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and substance abuse disorder. Scott-Hudson says. How to Deal with a Passive Aggressive Mother, https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-superhuman-mind/201611/5-signs-youre-dealing-passive-aggressive-person, https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_to_stop_passive_aggression_from_ruining_your_relationship, http://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/counsellor-articles/what-is-passive-aggressive-behaviour, https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/passive-aggressive-diaries/201107/4-strategies-effectively-confront-passive-aggressive-behavior, https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201501/6-tips-dealing-passive-aggressive-people, https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/06/26/stop-being-passive-aggressive-behavior-signs-_n_5515877.html, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3672352/, https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/emotional-fitness/201507/writing-your-way-through-emotional-pain, https://blogs.psychcentral.com/childhood-neglect/2016/10/raised-in-a-passive-aggressive-family/, vivre avec une mre au comportement passif agressif, Mit einer passiv aggressiven Mutter umgehen. But most of these are preventable! There may be verbal abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, or emotional neglect present between you and your mom, which can affect you in a number of different ways. The following guidelines offer parents strategies for maintaining their calm in a passive aggressive storm and responding in ways that lay the groundwork for less conflictual relationships with. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. She could be so convincing that you end up feeling like maybe it is your problem and not hers. This can mean calling you hurtful names or insulting you or your intelligence, manner of dress, appearance, personality, or other aspects about you. She guilt-trips you when you try to establish boundaries. 2. Whats the difference between covert and overt narcissism? The behavior may not have the intention of bothering you, though. They can provide resources like local mental health professionals and counselors that can work with you. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. He may pretend that he didn't do something when there's obvious evidence that he did. unwillingness or . The anxiety can have long-term effects and lead to mental health problems later in the childs life. Parenting Styles: Types, Examples, And Consequences. These behaviors can have a range of impacts concerning a childs mental health. Five Ways To Manage Co-parenting With A Toxic Ex, Get the support you need from one of our therapists, The information on this page is not intended to be a substitution for diagnosis, treatment, or informed professional advice. Especially when this sort of behavior forms a pattern, it can be extremely damaging and lead to dangerous outcomes over time. "There's strength in numbers," Dorfman says. "it helped me on how to deal with a passive aggression behavior in family, passive aggression is dangerous.". This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
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\u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. Unless you did something wrong, dont apologize. Relationships With Your Mother Can Be Challenging. People who are passive-aggressive often [have] low self-esteem; they tend to be anxious and feel that they must control others, explains Colleen Wenner, a licensed mental health counselor in Fort Walton Beach, Florida. They may appear emotionally bereft, overlooked, under-appreciated, overworked, or participate in martyring behaviors, he says. 7. Underlying reasons someone may engage in passive aggression include: Passive-aggressive behaviors have been linked to some mental health disorders, including depression. Photo by John-Mark Smith on Unsplash. AITA - Dealing with Mom Shaming. One of the most difficult mothers to deal with is the perfectionistic mother because she comes across as only having the child's best interest in mind. Mothers living with covert narcissism may tend to shift blame. Passive aggression may be the only acceptable outlet when someone is upset, stressed, or frustrated. These comments may be a type of emotional manipulation. As an adult, you can put space between yourself and your mother. Tell them how it makes you feel, and be clear about the consequences if they don't stop. Your own healing journey may look differently depending on many factors, including the type of behaviors you were exposed to, your emotional resources, and the support networks around you. Melissa Bennett-Heinz, a licensed independent clinical social worker from Ramseur, North Carolina, explains common examples of passive-aggressive behaviors may include: When youre learning how to deal with passive-aggressive people, understanding where the behavior comes from may be helpful. wikiHow is where trusted research and expert knowledge come together. Passive aggressive behavior, however, is not a phase. This is how it can impact your adult life and how to start your healing. Growing up with a covert narcissistic mother can render children hyper attuned to what will please others, Mosley says. There are a few things you should know about passive aggression: First, it is a form of anger. Another sign that your mother is emotionally abusive is if she gives you the silent treatment. So the next time your mother-in-law starts in with her passive-aggressive act, here's what to do: Shift the power from her to you with humor. If you need to talk, reach out to these people to vent about your mom or get practical advice for dealing with her passive-aggressive behavior. That is difficult to confront directly and so children develop other ways to show anger. "Comparisons of any nature are highly toxic because they are put-downs that create negative competition between siblings," she says. By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. Bring attention to the behavior clearly and concisely. Here's all about power balance and how to avoid and solve common challenges. Typically, underneath the image, they are seething with rage that people are not admiring them sufficiently, he adds. Here are some things toxic moms say and how you should handle them, according to experts. Passive aggression, like veiled insults and harmful slights, may be less obvious. In general, a narcissistic mother may have a hard time identifying or connecting to the needs of a young child, for example. Schanz CG, et al. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
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\u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. One, if the mother-in-law's behavior is poor communication, it won't confuse and escalate the situation. Narcissistic personality disorder is also a manageable condition. Exposure to aggression in any form can hurt your physical and mental health. "Find a key phrase that you can say to your mom that you repeat as necessary in a very matter-of-fact tone," Croyle says. This can be especially confusing and hurtful you may want to believe that shes sorry and forgive her. A licensed therapist can help you identify the behaviors you have been exposed to and the impact that theyve had on your life. Recognizing Passive-Aggressive Behavior "When you find yourself frequently in 'damned if you do, damned if you don't' situations with a particular individual, that's a good indication [you're dealing with a passive-aggressive person]," says Rudy Nydegger, PhD, a board-certified clinical psychologist and chief of the psychology division at Ellis Medicine in Schenectady, N.Y. While everyone, including parents, gets frustrated occasionally, frequently withholding attention or affection from a child is wrong and can lead to a breakdown of communication. If you make a small mistake, she might be kind and forgiving, or she might be angry and spiteful. (2019). She might say things like, Well, if you stopped by more often or My friends daughter calls her every morning to check in on her. She might have a way of making comments that appear to be harmless on their face, but which might leave you feeling guilty like youre doing something wrong. While they might not always demean you in a direct way, they are likely to use sarcasm to do so. Is there a difference between mental and emotional abuse? Often, people act passive-aggressively because they have not learned how to deal with conflict appropriately. 2. Psych Central does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. These sorts of unrealistic standards can leave abused children and adults feeling perpetually unsatisfied with themselves, even when their mother is not present. When listening, make eye contact, don't interrupt, and try to repeat what she said in a different way afterwards to make sure you understand. Be upfront and ask if you need to stay late. Passive aggression can often emerge as accidental behaviors, like being late, but may be tied to. Not only do some of these behaviors, such as withholding food or appropriate shelter, verge into the territory of physical abuse, but they can also create a powerful and frightening feeling of precarity or unworthiness in the mind of an abused child and affect a child psychologically. If your boss says, Leaving early again today? every time you go home before 5:30, but is never straightforward about wanting you to work later, dont apologize or make an excuse. For example, try asking for her advice on everyday situations, like how to cook something properly. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
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\u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. How do I deal with my mom (86) who is passive aggressive and has early dementia? Keep your voice neutral and hold your emotions in check. Your mother may have forced you to do activities that she liked, dress the way she did, or behave exactly as she did. Having any type of relationship with someone with narcissistic personality may be challenging, and even more so if they have extreme and vindictive. Your passive-aggressive mother, co-worker, and/or boss are deeply angry people. This can also mean screaming, shouting, threatening, or otherwise verbally terrorizing a child in extreme cases. In 2019, researchers compiled data from 39 child development studies and found that children experiencing abuse were most likely exposed to caregivers displays of anger. There are many ways someone may express the formal symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder or narcissistic traits. While terrified of their own anger, passive-aggressive people are often OK triggering someone elses. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
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\u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. As with other abusive behaviors, the cycle of abuse is also part of what can make emotional abuse so difficult to recognize in your own life. As a small thank you, wed like to offer you a $30 gift card (valid at GoNift.com). It can sometimes be difficult to know if the negative things your mom says to you are OK or are a sign that something is wrong. Unconditional love does not always exist with emotionally abusive parents, which can mean that their children have been expected, from a young age, to meet a certain bar of performance to get the things that their caretakers should willingly and unconditionally give to them. This website is owned and operated by BetterHelp, who receives all fees associated with the platform. Sometimes people unintentionally inconvenience you. Try to ground yourself with a sensory technique, like structured breathing, or confronting the person with a few clarifying questions. (2017). This means that they might have a hard time being accountable for their actions and emotions and put that responsibility on the child. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. You may be part of the cycle or passive-aggressive too, but we are each responsible for the way we show . The parent-child relationship is typically considered one of the most naturally and unconditionally loving bonds in our day-to-day lives, so abuse from a parent is not only unexpected but extremely harmful. This conversation will take preparation. For many narcissistic parents, their children are an extension of themselves rather than their unique being. For example, if all you can safely handle is a five-minute phone call once a week, that is fine. She might dismiss or mock your genuine interests, or she might mock you for being proficient at an activity. Characteristics of a passive-aggressive person, 12 examples of passive-aggressive behaviors, 9 signs youre dealing with a passive-aggressive person, 5 ways to respond to a passive-aggressive person, onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/9781119057574.whbva001, ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2862968/, psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2Fxge0000522, ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6411659/, frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.579183/full, bmcpsychiatry.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12888-022-03850-1, Debra Rose Wilson, PhD, MSN, RN, IBCLC, AHN-BC, CHT, 7 Signs Someone Doesn't Respect Your Boundaries and What to Do, Power Struggles in Relationships: Causes, Signs, and How to Resolve, The 4 S's of Secure Attachment and How They Impact Adult Relationships, 5 Early Signs of Divorce and How to Resolve Before It's Over, Healthy Relationships: What Makes a Good Partner and How to Become One. 4. "Set clear boundaries," she says. Authors noted that high exposure to aggression during childhood might condition you to respond aggressively when you feel anger. For instance, brainstorming solutions might include noticing that you and your mom usually bump heads whenever you're feeling tired. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
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\n<\/p><\/div>"}. a compliment that isn't actually sincere or that precedes a snide comment). If you must, take a few minutes away from her to clear your head. Krizan Z, et al. When you're opening up to your mom about something that's really affecting you negatively, you probably want her to be sympathetic. self-directed passive-aggressive behavior as an essential component of depression: Findings from two cross-sectional observational studies. The challenge is that the person can easily deny that they're doing anything wrong. People might constantly show self-sufficiency and authority, demand admiration and attention, and express that they deserve better than theyre getting. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
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\u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR). For example, they may find it challenging to be on time, and their lateness may cause a negative chain reaction in your day. All healthy and intimate relationships involve a degree of honesty and a willingness to give constructive feedback to help one another grow, with the understanding that it is done out of a genuine sense of love, and only if it is coupled with ample support. What are emotionally abusive parents? They might often take the credit for these accomplishments. When it comes to toxic mother-in-law behavior, it doesn't get more passive-aggressive than this. "If you show that you are offended by her joke, she can then protect herself and hide her true intention by playing up her role as the victim, asking, 'Why are you being so sensitive? "A toxic mom can mean having someone who is too self-absorbed to notice the emotions of her child, too wrapped up in her own issues to meet the needs of her child, or too manipulative with words or actions which place the child in a position of inferiority, unimportance, as a scapegoat, or positioned as the problem or problem maker, etc." Human beings unconsciously become attracted to what is familiar, no matter how dysfunctional it may seem.. The aggression is evident when someone is outwardly hostile toward you yelling, gesturing, or threatening you physically. Dealing with this behavior ( passive and unassuming on the surface, but nastily aggressive toward you underneath) can be incredibly difficult, draining, and frustrating. We use cookies to make wikiHow great. What are the first signs of mental abuse? To keep statements like these from affecting you as best you can, keep your conversations with your mom short. In some abusive households, children are expected to perform jobs around the house or find ways to pay their parents to receive necessities like a room to sleep in or food to eat. But effectively dealing with passive-aggressive people is possible. Start a daily journal practice of writing down what you're feeling. They are your family members who say 'yes' to something, but really mean 'no'. Can a Relationship Survive Retroactive Jealousy? Telling you something like, "You could have done so much more with your life if youd been as smart in school as your sister," or "I wish you were as successful as your brother," is not healthy behavior. Sometimes, covert narcissistic mothers may see you as an extension of themselves. A parent raising their voice once in a blue moon is not necessarily wrong, and neither is a little bit of light ribbing in a family within certain bounds. a constant sense of entitlement. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
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\u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. Passive aggression may come in many forms. It can be incredibly difficult to try to navigate your mom's emotions when she's not being clear with you, but you don't have to try to figure it out all by yourself. Just like bullies, they are exerting their power to cover their feelings of being unworthy and not enough. Dealing with passive aggressive people is a . This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. It can also lead to problems as young adults, with romantic partners as we learn that passive-aggressive communication styles are acceptable ways to talk to our partners or for them to talk to us. Passive aggression can often emerge as accidental behaviors, like being late, but may be tied to underlying feelings of hostility and contempt. It's toxic because a statement like this tells you that you have to feel or not feel things on someone elses timetable, dont have a right to speak up for yourself, or have to keep peace at all costs, she says. Although passive-aggressive behavior can be a feature of various mental health conditions, it isn't considered a distinct mental illness. This may lead them to not be aware of the childs needs or not realize how their actions affect the little one. Healing is possible. Stay calm. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. Can Permissive Parenting Hurt Your Child? The hurt caused by veiled hostility and manipulation can run deep. If you feel that you are being manipulated, then ask more questions to get them to reveal more information, says Wenner. "If toxic commentary begins, set a firm limit by saying, 'Mom, I feel hurt when you say that. From childhood well into adulthood, we expect that our mothers will always have our best interests at heart, that she will act to guide us, or that she will know the appropriate emotional boundaries to maintain. Assertive Responses to Passive Aggressive Behavior, Conversation to Call Out Passive Aggressiveness, {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/5\/50\/Deal-with-a-Passive-Aggressive-Mother-Step-1-Version-2.jpg\/v4-460px-Deal-with-a-Passive-Aggressive-Mother-Step-1-Version-2.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/5\/50\/Deal-with-a-Passive-Aggressive-Mother-Step-1-Version-2.jpg\/aid9724858-v4-728px-Deal-with-a-Passive-Aggressive-Mother-Step-1-Version-2.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":" \u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. Emotional abuse is traumatizing and hurtful, can leave a person vulnerable to feelings of self-doubt, isolation, and depression, and can escalate to physical violence; it should be taken very seriously. White Noise Was The Only Way I Could Fall Asleep Until I Tried Green Noise, How This New Yorker Went On 28 Dates In 28 Days, My Afternoon With Hollywoods Lymphatic Massage Whisperer, Get Even More From Bustle Sign Up For The Newsletter. These are the most common manipulation tactics and games a narcissist plays with you and how to put a stop to it. Narcissism can be a personality trait or a mental health diagnosis. Remind yourself that while you cannot keep someone who is passive-aggressive from slamming doors or pouting, you can control your response. The best thing you can do when dealing with passive-aggressiveness is not to let it get under your skin. It takes two people to support a passive-aggressive relationship. The child acts indifferently to the mother and does not trust them to fulfil their needs. Passive-aggressive behavior is a message or behavior without assertiveness or active engagement. What are the 7 types of emotional abuse? Although "nothing's wrong" might not seem like an inherently passive-aggressive phrase, if her physical cues don't match up, it's probably not harmless. If one or more of these passive-aggressive statements are things your own mom says, do your best to use strategies like setting healthy boundaries and having people around you to keep them from affecting you too much. If that's difficult to do, tell her clearly that you aren't looking for her feedback in response to a negative emotion you're having, but that you just want her to listen. They can leave the child feeling that their parent could blow up at any moment as though theyre walking on eggshells in their own home. Similarly, emotionally abusive parents often refuse to take responsibility for their behavior or their feelings. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc. \u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved.
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